I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
