She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Randomize
