Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
