3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
