grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Mom said you looked used
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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