you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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