i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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