There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
