you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
