Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
