coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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