READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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