He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
