Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
