big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
