im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
