people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
