Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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