I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
