you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
