wakey wakey hands off snakey
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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