So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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