what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
