I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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