I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
