ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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