so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
