Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
