as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
