haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
