Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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