he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She even gives head with a lisp.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
