I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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