I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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