is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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