I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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