The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
