I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
