So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
