Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
