she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
