You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
