They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
