the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
