worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
