FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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