if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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