You can't motorboat a personality
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
