i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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