Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
