do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
