he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
