i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
